Press "Enter" to skip to content

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly; Lovemaking in a Middle-aged Body -What Women Wished Men Knew

I am honored to Welcome Carrie E. Pierce as our guest blogger. Carrie Pierce, Founder and President of Menopauserus.com hosts ‘Magnificent Menopause & Beyond‘ each week with the mission of helping Midlife women AND men embrace the many gifts, challenges and mysteries of this exciting time of life!  Take it away Carrie:

Menopause is a perfectly natural phase of a woman’s life- but that doesn’t mean it’s easy, or that women are well prepared for it!

The simple truth is: Menopause is a major life event that’s so profound it’s considered by several prestigious medical doctors as being THE single most traumatic event to happen to a female body and brain in the course of a woman’s lifetime-and that includes childbirth.

Given the many and varied symptoms of Menopause: depression, irritability, foggy thinking, insomnia, weight gain, loss of libido, loss of self-esteem, and anxiety- to name just a few- it’s easy to see how difficult it can be to successfully transverse this physical and psychological minefield with correct information in hand, but without it??! Forget about it!

Men need clear and concise information to better understand not only the physical processes of Peri menopause/Menopause and the symptoms inherent with both, but they need help to better understand the emotional, psychological and sexual components of the journey as well.

Conversely, women have a crucial role to play in helping their partners-and themselves- gain the education and information necessary so that all parties can emerge from the journey stronger, better and closer because of it.

Menopause is a long journey. There’s a 2 to 12 year shift known as Peri-menopause that first begins when a woman is in her early- to- mid thirties. The complete transitional journey of Peri menopause and Menopause can take up almost 2 decades of a women’s life from start to finish. That’s a sizable chunk of time for a woman to be in chaotic transition, and for a mate trying to endure day to day.

Add to this the fact that the divorce rate for the over-50 crowd has recently doubled and it becomes clear that a lot of Midlife couples are finding they’ve built their castles on pretty shaky ground.

IntimacyAs a woman’s body and mind changes during this process, it can be an extremely frightening transition for her. It’s tough to wake up one day in a body you no longer recognize, trust or feel at home in. Couple this with the sexual changes that take place during Menopause and it can quickly become overwhelming and very despairing.

While it’s true some women rejoice at the loss of their libido, most women deeply grieve this loss and worry A LOT about losing the love and intimacy they’ve developed in their primary relationship; ‘Will he stick it out with me- or stray?’ ‘Will our sex life suffer?’ ‘Will I never enjoy sex again?’

Yes Fellas, this may come as a surprise to you: women fear this stuff- worry about it- and it causes us great despair!

BOTH sexes experience profound physical changes during Midlife. Acknowledging them and working to embrace them -together, can and often does provide inspiration, creativity, deepened awareness, mutual respect and heightened intimacy- making Midlife sex some of the best and most satisfying.

But, it’s difficult for a woman to broach things like Vaginal Atrophy, Vaginal Dryness, Weight Gain and Low Libido with the very man she hopes to arouse later. Just how DO you sit down and have this conversation successfully?!

Let us have it for you…

First up, it’s helpful to understand the role hormones play in a woman’s body- and in her sex drive:

  • Estrogen- keeps vaginal tissues pliable, moist and flexible, allowing for intercourse that’s pleasurable and pain-free.
  • Testosterone-plays a huge role in women’s sexual arousal and response and is very necessary for female orgasm.
  • DHEA- ‘The Mother of all Hormones’ and can convert either into testosterone or estrogen as needed in the body.
  • Progesterone- regulates menstruation, assists with vaginal lubrication, enhancing sex drive, creating feelings of wellbeing and peacefulness in women.
  • Thyroid hormone- is responsible for making menstrual cycles purr, metabolism stay balanced and can also provide overall, general feelings of wellbeing and vitality.

Stress and the processes of peri menopause / Menopause cause these hormones to cascade wildly out of balance. Couple this with exhausted adrenal glands and the diminished capacity of a woman’s ovaries and you have a real mess. Once a woman is this out of balance, loss of libido is the end result and unless drastic steps are taken- it ain’t comin’ back.

Hormones are enormously potent and powerful compounds, and in one way or another impact positively- or negatively- every single cell in a woman’s body. (A man’s too.)
If you doubt the power of hormones just think back to when YOUR hormones first kicked in as a young man. You were-and remained as such at least until your thirties- a raging, hormonally fueled tornado and your brain, most of the time, had little or no say regarding what you did or -didn’t do- with the rest of your body.

Menopause is a lot like that. One minute a woman might be weepy and in need of Alone Time, another minute later she very well might be aroused and attentive…and the next, frustrated.

Add to this, insomnia and weight gain issues and hopefully now it becomes clear just why it is getting a menopausal gal romping in the bedroom regularly becomes a…shall we say… challenge, at best?

With the gradual decline and eventual total loss of estrogen, Vaginal Dryness and Vaginal Atrophy follow and this is where the REAL trouble begins.

vaginal wall

Vaginal Atrophy is the female equivalent of Erectile Dysfunction. With lack of estrogen, vaginal cells shrivel and loss of muscle tone occurs. The walls of the vagina lose their tone and ability to stretch. The end result: a vagina that is noticeably shortened and tight.
Fellas, imagine waking up one morning to find that Mr. Happy has shrunk a full 2 to 3 inches, with no warning – and he will NOT be returning… I doubt you would welcome this. Thus is the world of Vaginal Atrophy!

Next up, Vaginal Dryness. As hormones decline, a woman’s ability to naturally lubricate during arousal also diminishes. Should the relationship not be a good one, and pent up frustrations, hostilities and resentments lie unresolved, this will all but guarantee a nonresponsive, dry – as -sand partner.

Vaginal Dryness is PAINFUL. Coupled with the presence of Atrophy, one sexual encounter can cause tissue tearing, painful friction that rubs us raw, tremendous discomfort and possible infection. Not something to write home about or look forward to on a regular basis!

So just what the heck is a fella supposed to do?!?
There’s lots to be learned from the story of the Tortoise and the Hare… Slow and Steady really does win the race, especially when the finish line is a Midlife Orgasm!

We recommend that Midlife couples first and foremost, sit down together and be honest with each other; honest about the changes taking place within their bodies and their minds.

LoveIf your partner feels loved by and attractive to you, and she is fulfilled in her life- despite the aging process, chances are good that her transitional experience through Menopause will be relatively low key, and so will yours and your sex life will not take a hit. If, on the other hand, she feels unattractive, undesirable, the butt of bad jokes and like Life has passed her by, she’s more inclined to suffer many, varied and debilitating symptoms.

Just a hint for you: you can and will gain A LOT here by how you handle your Lady Love on a day to day basis. Think of this as ‘Prolonged Foreplay’. Your consideration and kindness WILL pay off in the sack…

Using this as a foundational base, work together to increase foreplay and discover new ways of touching, caressing, tasting and kissing.  Insert an applicator of Vaginal Renewal Complex prior to having intercourse will help naturally combat vaginal dryness and moisturize the vaginal walls. Introduce sex toys into your Romps and learn how your partner’s ‘new’ body responds to each. Not only will this help your partner lubricate effectively but you yourself will benefit from the slower pacing of your lovemaking. She will also learn what now works best for her- and what doesn’t- and this will make your job much easier.

Many Ob/Gyns state emphatically that the best rule for Menopausal women is this: ‘Use it or lose it.’ Masturbation techniques are helping many Midlife women not only maintain vaginal muscle tone and health- but enhance their sexual experiences with their partner. There’s no reason why you, Kind Sir, can’t get in on the action. Midlife Sex is not just about penetration… it’s about feasting at the buffet and savoring each and every delicious morsel!

To learn more about the Pro Libido Lifestyle and also how some of the most cutting-edged Doctors are helping Menopausal women with Midlife sex issues, CLICK HERE to hear an in-depth interview with Carrie E. Pierce and Dr. Jennifer Landa, Chief Medical Officer of BodyLogicMD.

Carrie PierceCarrie E. Pierce has worked exclusively in the skin care, health and beauty industries for over 25 years. A licensed Aesthetician, former Hollywood film and TV makeup artist and certified Color Analyst, she’s built a solid, international reputation in the field of holistic, menopausal skin and beauty care.

A recognized speaker, educator and published author, Carrie is Founder and President of Menopauserus.com and is host of the internationally syndicated radio show ‘Magnificent Menopause & Beyond©.’

It’s her mission -and her passion- to help make Menopause ‘The Change for the Better’- for women-and men- everywhere! Look for Olga’s upcoming interview on June 6th.
www.menopauserus.com
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/magnificentmenopause

Author: Olga Cohen

Be First to Comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *